Mar 05

The What Ifs

I’m a firm believer that everyone we meet in this life serves a purpose and everything happens for a reason, but at times when I feel a bit reflective and introspective I wonder what if I didn’t have such amazing parents; my childhood best friend Andrew hadn’t died; my brother hadn’t been born; I didn’t have Ms. Moon as my second grade teacher; I didn’t meet LeeAnne; I continued practicing the piano; I hadn’t focused more on academics than athletics; I had pursued modeling; I had followed through with my plan to commit suicide; I had taken my AP classes more seriously; I continued singing; I hadn’t become the top recipient in scholarship money in the history of my high school; there hadn’t been the 730 forums; my grandparents weren’t so close; I didn’t go to college; she had said yes; I had gone to Georgetown; I had gone to one of the schools that offered me a full ride; I didn’t go to Birmingham-Southern; I spent more time studying instead of everything else during freshman year; I wasn’t forced to medically withdraw from school; I hadn’t returned more determined, driven and focused; I had gone to South Korea to teach; there was no Concrete Loop; I hadn’t taken that education course; I hadn’t met Paul Hubbert; I didn’t become one of the youngest board members at AIDS Alabama; I had been a better Big Brother; I had gone to Haiti; I didn’t graduate from college; he had said no; I kept in touch with Jamelia; I didn’t have to pay these student loans; I had taken that job with the Obama campaign; I hadn’t met Jocelyn, Rosetta or Leah; I hadn’t worked in that group home; I had adopted Jaquwan; I hadn’t quit that job; I had gone to law school; I hadn’t accepted this job or that other one; I had moved to New York; I didn’t have two careers; I hadn’t become such a workaholic.

I could go on about everything that I’ve either done, didn’t do or had happen to me, but questioning it wouldn’t matter because the important thing I’ve realized about all of these things and everything else, whether good or bad, is that they’ve all made me the man I am today: J. DAKAR.

♫ Post Title Soundtrack: Jaguar Wright — “The What Ifs”